Humbled in the Dark

" God gives grace to the humble but opposes the proud." James 4:6

God has taught me humility, He also taught me that the only reason I would not write this post would be out of fear and pride and He has addressed both of those issues.

Let me start by saying that this post has nothing to do with Kathryn, but everything to do with God.

In my flesh I am the most organized person who almost never forgets things. Honestly, I am like an elephant. I am the person people tell things to so they won't be forgotten.

I don't forget things.

I just don't.

That is why this is all God.

A couple of weeks ago on a Friday afternoon. I leave work, pick up my children and come home to what I think is a regular weekend.

I pull into my driveway and get out the car. I notice a tag on my door, but I figure it is another pizza coupon or someone wanting to mow my yard.

I get to the door, the tag is pink...it is from the City of College Station...no, no, no.

I forgot to pay my electric bill, how could it be? that just does not happen...and at five o'clock on a Friday afternoon.

Panic.

My first thoughts are what am I going to do? How am I going to make coffee? How am I going to blow my hair dry?

I am ashamed to admit, very selfish.

Then my mind kicks in, my food...I take care of that, because God doesn't waste anything.

That Friday night after my children were in bed, God began to work. There is something almost surreal about a house without electricity. It is a dark you can not explain, no lights on the VCR or nightlight in the bathroom.

And the quiet...no hum of the computer or refrigerator, no air conditioner kicking on.

God humbled me in every way possible. He showed me what it would look like if I depended on Him half as much as I depended on electricity.

I woke up on Saturday morning in a warm bed with the sunlight coming in the window and He showed me that I don't have it too bad. We take so much for granted. I had to think about absolutely everything I did, how we were going to eat and that we are not guaranteed our next meal, even if we think we are.

To go to the bathroom and take showers required flashlights and candles. We had to depend on God for everything and as a family, we had to work together. Michael was on antibiotics, that praise God did not require refrigeration...how often does that happen? For his nightime dose, he held the flashlight while I measured the dosage...God took us to the core.

All weekend there was no television or playstation. My children played together so beautifully.

Nobody got spanked all weekend...that is an act of God right there!!

I never felt alone or scared...therefore my children never felt alone or scared. One time Alex did not want to go down the hall, I said "wait, I will guide you." God instantly said, "so will I."

God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:5-6

My one fear was telling my mother. Normally, I would have figured out a way to avoid telling her, but God was addressing all of my issues this weekend. I had told her that I would cook lunch for her Sunday afternoon...Italian casserole, because she had to try it. When the electricty goes out, your oven doesn't work, so that was not going to happen. I feared telling her for fear of hearing, "Kathryn, how could you let this happen, what are you going to do..." fear of man...no condemnation in Christ...Instead, I got "Oh sweetie, don't worry, is there anything I can do?"...grace...mercy.

"No momma, I am really ok."

Grace.

Even through all of this, God was so graceful. It was not 20 degrees outside or 95 degrees. It was a perfect 65 degree and I was comfortable all weekend with no air or heat.

Praise the Lord my hot water runs on gas. We were able to bathe and be clean. When I shared this story with my HOPE group, they said they had no idea...

When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. Matthew 6:16-18

I only shared with two people all weekend. God showed me that if I went around telling people, it would have been about poor Kathryn doesn't have electricity, not the amazing work God was doing in me.

God showed me that I am not in control.

It is not about me.

That I can do all things through Christ who give me strength. Philippians 4:13

He showed me that He inhabits all of the earth and that He cares about me and will take care of all of my needs...

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:25-27

He showed me that I can see Him in absolutely everything...sometimes you just have to turn out the lights to see Him.