Momma

In quiet moments my mind starts to wander...I want it to, yet I don't.

I think of you.

I think of the good times and the bad times.

So much laughter.

So many tears.

You were always there for me.

I thought you always would be.

I never dreamed you would be gone.

The shock is wearing off and the foreverness is setting in.

This is harder.

Much harder.

I want to pick up the phone and call you.

I want to hear your voice say 'hi sweetie'.

I want to ask the stupid questions that you can only ask your mother and not get laughed at.

I want a hug.

I miss you.

I love you always.

God Works in Mysterious Ways

Coincidence...I think not.

So on Saturday nights after church a group of us go out to eat.

Tonight we went to Casa Rodriquez in downtown Bryan.

Whenever we go somewhere, Alex ALWAYS has some kind of toy animal with him (unless it is a frog, those are usually real).

Alex loves animals...he says that is what he was created for and that they need him.

Tonight the animal of choice was Rusty the Racoon, a small beanbag racoon.

He was playing with it in the restraunt and then left it there.

None of us were thinking about it as we stood outside for a while talking. Then we were walking to our car in the middle of downtown Bryan and a real live racoon goes running across the street in front of us.

Really, what are the odds.

Of course Alex takes off running after it screaming the whole way "a racoon, did you see that". The racoon sneaks off into the sewer.

Then I asked Alex if he got Rusty and he said no and ran back into the restraunt to get it.

I knew at the time that seeing the racoon prompted me to remember Alex's racoon but when we got home I really started thinking and went in to talk to the boys.

I told them that I didn't think it was a coincidence that we saw that racoon. We started talking about how God put that racoon there at the exact moment we went by so that Alex would not forget Rusty...it gives me goosebumps just typing this.

We had a great discussion about how much the Lord loves us and cares about us...every detail of our lives.

He knows every thought that we have, every thing that we do and every want and desire in our lives.

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. Psalm 139:1-4

I told them how we need to recognize that it is the Lord doing these things and not just a coincidence that they happen.

It was super sweet and then Alex said next time he wants to take a shark with him.

Watch out residents of Bryan!!!

Alex Stories

When Alex is in the right mood, his wit is lightning fast and his thought process is amazing...it often floors me the things he comes up with.

Here are a couple of examples...

My sweet Libby came over for dinner the other night and we were eating broccoli. Now Alex only likes the top of the broccoli and Michael only likes the bottom, so it works out nicely.

Alex calls his broccoli trees.

So as he is eating, he tells Libby that they are trees. She remarks that he is only eating the top part leaving the stems bare...he looks at her in an instant and say "it is autumn" .

Really, I would love to be in his head, even for five minutes...I have a feeling I would get quite dizzy though.

We were driving home the other day and Alex says "momma, do you know why I know so much about God", I asked him why. He said "because I go to church and you tell me things and then I was born again and that is why I am still a child".

That's my Alex.

Getting Bigger

My boys are getting bigger and they are doing big boy things.

These are the days that I am so thankful for the Body and the awesome group of guys that teach and love on my kids.

These are the days I also go inside and not look.

I can't look, my momma instinct screams "do you see that blade"

Yes, that is Alex with a lawnmower...Jeff is a VERY brave guy.

Michael did really good, he got his box down and pushed hard...he is just like me.

Alex, bless his heart, was all over the place. He had a great time and Jeff chased him a lot.

No box for Alex...ever.

They worked hard, they sweated and they had fun.

They are so big.

Michael told me when he was done "whew, that was tiring, now I know how you feel, momma"

That made me smile.

Source of Swine Flu Identified

Too cute!!

You Can't Take It With You

We have all heard this old saying 'you can't take it with you', but I wonder if we have really thought about what it means.

This world is temporary, the things of this world are temporary. We spend so much of our time and energy on the temporary...furniture, houses, cars, TV's, toys, etc..., while having these things are not in itself bad, some are necessary, it is the value and the importance that we so often put on them.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:19-21

So often we live like this world is all there is.

We will do so much to satify our earthly desires and pleasures. We very rarely live for what's eternal (or one sea turtle as a precious child once sang it)

The Lord has really been speaking this into me. Our life here is but a mist, we have such a short time to make Him known, so that the world may see our good works and praise our Father in Heaven.

Am I making Him known? Am I living like an alien, a temporary resident or have I set up shop here?

It has been almost a month since I lost my mother. My precious, sweet, wonderful mother. My mother who was always there for me when I needed her...and also there when I thought I didn't need her.

On a side note, never EVER take your mother for granted. She is wise and deserves all honor and respect. Treasure the time you have with her and if she asks you to do something, do it...she will not always be there to do it for. Anyway, that was all free (Butchism).

I am still grieving deeply for her. It is a loss like I have never known before. My mother had a big house with LOTS of stuff in it, land, a car, dogs and numerous other things. In the months prior to her death, I spent a lot of time helping her take care of all of this stuff.

One morning my mother woke up, she went to get out of bed and collapsed having a heart attack. Within minutes she was gone.

All of her stuff is still here.

When I lost my dad a couple of years ago, it did not impact me like this. I spent a lot of time thinking 'I can't believe my dad died and the world just keeps right on moving'. I was grieving and people kept working and playing. That was my focus. At that time I did not have to deal with the business end of a person dying...my mom did that.

My mother kept EVERYTHING. We have literally walked through her house saying 'are you kidding me'. She has closets full of old Barbies and doll clothes. While it has been sentimental going through old pictures and remembering toys we used to play with, really what am I going to do with this? I can't bring the Barbies to my house, well I guess I could...the boys could blow them up.

My sister and I have spent the past month going through all of this stuff, cancelling credit cards, giving away clothes, seperating possessions. And I can't help thinking that one minute my mom is here and all of this is so important to her and the next minute she is gone.

It is overwhelming.

While a part of me wants to hold on to every single thing because I want to hold on to my mom, He is showing me to hold fast to Him and He will take care of me and give me the desires of my heart.

I am His treasure and He delights in me.

I am thankful that He provides for me.

I am thankful that He blesses me beyond what I deserve.

I am thankful that I can not take it with me and that I will spend eternity with Him.

Happy Birthday Michael

Wow, today my precious boy is ten.

A decade...

Double digits.

I think I am as excited as you are.

As you have been counting the hours to your birthday and feeling like it is taking forever to get here, I have been thinking about how fast it is going.

You are growing up right before my eyes.

I am so proud of you Michael.

I love how you love to learn thing.

I love to see how you love people and thrive on being with them.

I love watching you go into a room and say 'sup people and sit in someones lap.

I love to watch you get excited about things.

You are such a blessing to me.

I love you Michael!!

Happy Birthday.